Having found myself at a loose end over the summer now that Uni has told me to sod off for a bit and stop bothering the lecturerererers with questions like; 'yes, but why is globalisation a threat to modernity?', Mrs El J has given me strict orders to find a job and start paying my way in life. So, like a lamb to the the seasonal employment slaughter, I wove my way to the nearest employment agency to register for the kind of work a man with my skills is skilled enough to do safely.

The receptionist Natalie, who assured me she is a natural blonde despite the ginger eyebrows, sat me down and told me to stop it because it was bothering the post-graduates. She asked what previous experience I had. I told her I'd been collecting driving licences for some time although the police said I had to stop that as well. To cut a long story short, the agency said I've got to stop ringing them so at a loss I strayed here for a stiff Brandy with Im_P who tolerates me in that gentle way of his. It was while I was lying on the doormat that I had an epiphany. While Rex the Alsatian was moaning about all his Smackos mysteriously going missing (again), it hit me full in the face. The morning post for Mr and Mrs The Occupier. I could do that I thought. So I started posting blogs. It was fun for a while, shoving my ill thought out opinions through peoples doors instead of down their throats, but eventually, as with all my previous jobs, the monotony got to me so I made like a teenager with a free paper round and shoved all the blogs through the nearest letterbox.

So once again I find myself out of work, though not entirely out of luck because as my Dad says, you make your own. Sadly passing forged notes at the roulette table is also illegal which is a shame because I had a stack riding on Red number 7 and it came up twice in January. I'd have been minted, but that nice Mr Titchmarsh off the telly threatened to call the authorities if I didn't get out of his herb garden. A word of warning, he comes across on the telly as though butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, but I'm telling you, you roll around naked in his garden and watch what happens.

 

 

Views: 14

Tags: Alan, Alcohol, Alsatians, Beards, Blondes, Gratuitous, Layabouts, Liverpool, Natural, Nudity, More…Student, Titchmarsh, Unemployed

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Comment by Im_Partial on June 18, 2011 at 21:46
Are you still in the froghouse?
Comment by mrschalky on June 4, 2011 at 11:27
Interesting collection of Tags El J :-  Alan, Alcohol, Alsatians, Beards, Blondes, Gratuitous, Layabouts, Liverpool, Natural, Nudity It's like one of those psychiastrist/psychology games "I say a word and you say the first thing that comes into your head...." You could play that on here as there isn't a three minute rule.
Comment by Anfield RAP on June 3, 2011 at 23:28

Well this confused me!  Comments on blogs work bottom up, where as threads are top down.  I'm too tired to be trying to work out puzzles like that!

Comment by United Till I Die on June 3, 2011 at 21:47

Im-p, have you never heard the expression the old onion bag before?

 

btw there's a limit to how many indents you can have, so eventually you run out of Reply buttons.  Just have to go up the thread and find the last comment with a reply button and use that.

 

So Bill's computer crashed.  There is a God after all.  I wonder what **** software caused that.

 

tbh I wasn't expecting to hear from him again.  He's been flirting outrageously with me and I thought he'd got cold feet.

Comment by Im_Partial on June 3, 2011 at 21:24

Correction, not just the onion bag, the OLD onion bag. WTF?

Comment by Im_Partial on June 3, 2011 at 21:23

Yes, Bill sent me an email earlier - he was unable to reply to UTID's last missive because he couldn't see a 'reply' button. He said that he'll do it tomorrow, b/c his computer crashed.

 

Good god, watching a game on the web, the most idiotic commentary ever. Some Irish muppet, so far he's mentioned onion bags and ... Germany have just scored. Well that's the right result.

Comment by El Jeficito on June 3, 2011 at 14:11
I knew that rhino suit on eBay would pay for itself eventually.
Comment by United Till I Die on June 3, 2011 at 13:23

Your not wrong there El J.

 

If you're still looking for gainful employment, I'm currently engaged in an exchange of thoughts with Bill Gates on the Beedfack thread.  He's looking for people to work in his new 5 star support centre in Swansea.  Only qualification needed appears to be skin as thick as a rhinoceros and being fluent in gibberish.

Comment by El Jeficito on June 3, 2011 at 13:05
I suspect none of you are employed by the New Brighton Tourist Board.
Comment by United Till I Die on June 2, 2011 at 21:05
And third prize is a fortnight in New Brighton.

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